Distractions.

This. Most things that have been coming up in my life I have been able to identify as a distraction but this. This chance, this opportunity. This might just be real life. This might just be part of the plan.

A change in the wind.

My mind is racing a thousand miles per hour right now and I can't even close my eyes let alone sleep. I'm supposed to get up for a hike in about four hours or so and don't get me wrong ill be getting up no matter what but right now I can't even handle the anxiety going through me. It's this huge ball weighing on my mind, in my chest, on on my joints. Not only am I up thinking about the usual things I've been thinking about for the past week (Provo, My mission, Hobbies) but I can't help but think about money. Paying for My mission. So so important. I refuse to leave that burden with my parents before I leave. I couldn't do that. I have to pull the money together before I leave. And here comes the cold harsh truth: it's time for a life style change. BUT you know what. I am ready. I am ready for that change, I'm read to embrace the mature side of life. The side where I work my @$$ off to get something that I want to go and do more than anything in the world. I need this. It's time for things to change around here. I'm done talking about it. I am here to make it happen.

New Diet.

Less garbage. More activities. Lets be honest nobody wants to be friends with a guy who just sits at home all the time and doesn't get out much. Even if that time at home is spent being productive. So from now on, that will no longer be a recurring pattern in my life.

Help Wanted.

Does anyone want to help a young man get married to a girl like this? :)

Easy access.

I decided I am too easily accessible via social networking. Example: Twitter, Instagram, etc. SO I am just going to post more thoughts here to try as redirect how often I put garbage on the Internet for everyone to see. Let's be honest. Not a lot of people see things here haha.

Childhood.

I love this. It reminds me of those old calvin and hobbs pictures where you see calvin all grown up but he still has his little hobbs doll, pretty much the same concept.

Sorry, I am trying not to swear. I'm gonna be a missionary soon.

There are a ton of reasons why I don't like you. I like your outsides, most of them. But your insides. They make me sick. You're much to old to act and treat people the way you do. You're selfish and so blinded by your problems like you have the worst life ever. You're pretty much still in high school man. I hate you because you're a pansy and treat my best friend like Sh*t and I am so sick of reading about it because she doesn't even want to talk to ME about it half the time because it's so hard on her. If you don't figure things out soon, I am going to figure it out for you man and nobody is going to like that. I am tired of it. I want better for my dear friend who is so much better than you and your bullish- but she insist on sticking with you, for her sake I will support her feelings even if they are towards you because I love her and she has always done that for me. For some reason your irresponsible, Childish, asinine, BS, some how hasn't shaken her off yet. You best sleep with one eye open son. Sincerely, Someone who hates you.

Colton.

I'm so happy he's back. He's seriously one of my best friends ever.

Soon Jami.

So So So soon. <3

Dreams.

People are afraid to fall asleep because that's when they're most honest with themselves, in their dreams.

Ignored.

I was ignored not once, but twice today. I don't really understand why. but. Hey, whatever, I am gonna go to bed.

I lost her today, But she turned up :)

I lost my snake today, yes I have a snake. She got out of the cage, but she crept up on me and let me know she wanted to go back.. So I put her back and made sure the cage was closed all the way.

I lover her so much!

People say "You just like her because she's hot!" even though she's beautiful I love her as an artist and pretty much as a person. I love reading about her and watching interviews and production videos. I love her not as a beautiful woman, but as an artist. I mean that so sincerely.

Click the Link.

Heart Warming.

Zelda, Wind Waker.

I remember around this time last year, me and tanner were new friends and we bonded over this amazing game you see here. Those were good times.

Imagine.

Imagine. Imagine that you were given access to an account that had $86,400 dollars in it. At the beginning of everyday you were given this money and at the end of everyday the account reset it self. You could keep no money, You could save no money. You could only spend that money. Have your head wrapped around that? Well. You have access to that account. You have access to it every day. There are 86,400 seconds in every day. We cannot save these seconds, we can only spend and invest them. How are you spending you time? 

I know I need to start spending my time more wisely. I need to be better. Me and derek were talking about how nice it is to have this freedom, we decided that we need to start utilizing it. We will never be able to live like this again. It's pretty much the only time we have to do what were gonna do, what we actually want to do. I am excited to say were gonna do it. I can't wait for next week. Next stop, California. 

You're not too cool for batman.

#sorrynotsorry

24 days worth of music.

9137 items, 24.5 days, 66.41 GB. and I love it all.

Last night.

Last night I had a dream about my wife. I don't know, but I know she was my wife. She was wearing a white dress and she had long blond hair. She was dancing around with flowers all over the place. It was our wedding, she was in a sort of spinning motion and right as she was turning around to look at me I woke up in a cold sweat. I had this dream not once, but twice last night. That is all there really is to say about the dream. My feelings were so vivid. She was perfect. It is so weird for me because I am not usually one to think or ponder about my future family (Baby steps is a good life philosophy) but in this dream my feelings were just overwhelmed by this weird peaceful joy. Like the one i'd imagine you'd feel when one were to get married. It was so peaceful.

Tonights deal.

So tonight was pretty great. I got to see some best friends, some old friends. I enjoyed it. I saw Batman (again) with Logan, Emily, Kendal, and Luke. I can't express how much I love that trilogy. It will be talked about by my children. I know that much. I loved seeing emily again, I always had a huge thing for her back in school but it kinda died out with just growing up and not seeing her for so long. Maybe it is because we are both so different. Kendall is pretty fun to hang around and have a conversation with, I can see why.. uhh. I won't get into that.

Afterwords went to empire with the guys had a huge nerd fest, you know the usual. It was fun as always. Some people will never understand it but I don't really care. I love my friends.
Derek's car wouldn't start as we were trying to leave. That thing is seriously from space or something, I don't understand it at all. After trying 8 different things and putting derek in the trunk for a few minutes to see how long (and if) it would take him to escape, we fixed it and declared the car broken and mobster proof (mobster proof because we discovered there is a lever on the inside if the trunk that illustrates a man pulling it and then jumping out of the car. I kid you not.).

Other thoughts and such.

As I was sitting at empire I hopped on my Facebook app to see what was up with the world (was really bored and was waiting for derek to finish up.) I Had a notification. Someone had liked my picture, a picture so far in the depths of my pictures that they have had to have been looking at all my other pictures. Kinda an odd one to like. but hey. I like it.

 I knew it. I knew I wasn't insane, I am just a normal human being with normal human tendencies, feelings and emotions. Some say the Ponds over think everything. I say we are just the only ones brave enough to think about the things everyone else pretends to not worry about. Yeah, I am gonna go with that.

The best.

One of my favorite series ever. Can't even handle the excitement haha.

Heck. Yuss.

Pretty much made my day :)

Friends and fun stuff

First off. Bat Man was SO sick. I am so excited to see it again with Luke on monday.

Second of all. These are all things I could use a little more of right now.

And I am sorry but this is so rad. ^

Because I waited.

Because I waited to see this movie it means a little bit more to me than it would have if I saw it with you. It means just a little bit more.

A small novel about nothing to you and everything to me.

Some would think this post is just unorganized thoughts, I think it's about as organized as my thoughts are going to get. I've been meaning to write this for awhile but it keeps on getting pushed back which I guess is a good thing because that just means there is more to write about.

I'll start with my favorite thing to think about. Leaving arizona. My las six months are pretty much here. They're right in my lap and I have to decide what I am going to do with them. I am not going to waste them I am going to make them the most fun 6 months I have had yet.

I recently just spent a few days in Provo Utah and really enjoyed my self more than I have in so long. The first night I was there I found my self getting about three hours asleep. I couldn't sleep from all he caffein and just the lingering fun I had that night. We had done a lot that night, Sparks (which was this funny, dare I say "Hipster" cafe place to hang and buy non-alcholic drinks. It had dim lighting and a lot of amazing art work all over the walls and such). We met up with some more crazy kids after that at 7/11which was fun but odd (They LOVE that gas station). Afterwords we just went back to the apartment and played guitar sag, caught up with my cousin Max (whom I haven't seen since I was like,  15?) and even met a guy named Jeff who was a super rad dude. Later that night after everyone had passed out, I was the only one up sleeping on the couch. I was comfortable, I just was in this weird trance of caffein and emotions. Everyone I met that night asked me "where are you from?" I said "Chandler, Arizona." Most of the responses I got were "No way! I'm from gilbert!" or mesa or chandler to tempe or whatever. A lot of AZ kids up there. The next thing I would usually say was "I love it up here!" They would then finally say "You should just move up here!" like it was so easy, no big deal. Which brings me back to what I was saying earlier. I was in deep thought and I thought to my self, could I do it? Could I really move here? There are plenty of jobs, plenty of family and I had already made a great start to some wonderful potential friends. It could be so good for me, a new place, a new person, new people but at the end of the night (really it was morning by then) I decided I would have to pray and really talk about it some more before I really even could make a decision.

Anyways the next morning I woke up and got ready for singles ward with Jami and Camille. Their ward was pretty early considering the night I just had, it started at 9:00. I liked it though it was nice and peaceful. Everyone there was pretty cool. It was kinda just your regular singles ward. Afterwords we went back to the apartment and hung out watched movies, played guitar, baked cookies and cooked pork shops. It was a pretty great sunday so far. Jami was in charge of this activity in the singles ward, we were going down to the special needs center to hang out with all the guys and girls there. At first I wasn't all that pumped about it, I just felt kind of felt impartial about it. But as we got there I just felt so good about being there, I had so much fun watching all the people who went (not that many people from the singles ward went) interact and just hang out. To give up there time, just relax and talk to these people who don't ever get out. They loved it so much they were yelling and laughing, really just embracing out presence (literally, so many hugs).

Afterwords we went to ward prayer and then back to the apartments to change for this guys birthday. We got there and at first it was kinda awkward, I didn't really know anyone and there weren't a lot of people there. I spent my time chilling on the couch listening to my cousins talk about funny stories and different people. Then I met a girl named Paige. She was nice, blonde, about my height and one of my cousons dear friends. She had just bought a kitten, moments before she came to this party so I found it kinda odd that she just had this kitten at the party and decided to get to know her. We had a lot to talk about it was nice, she was super into snowboarding and surfing which gave us a lot to talk about and it was nice getting to know someone at this awkward enough birthday party. The party started to kinda die down to an empty apartment and we decided we were going to go back Camille and Jami's apartment. We were all walking and Paige and this other kid (Who looked exactly like Willy Wonka, ((the 90's one))) decided they were gonna run to there own apartments for a little bit and meet up at the apartment a little later. We got there, sat down, started a movie and we were all hangen and talking when 1 of the 2 favorite people I met while I was up there Jeff, walked through the door. I was stoked to see him, we hung out, talked. After awhile Paige (My 2nd favorite person I met) came back as well. after awhile Everyone ended up crashing all over the place, the only people left awake were me, Paige, and Jeff. We decided we were gonna go get another movie, just hang out and talk. We talked about music and work and school and missions and everything we could think of! After awhile jeff was really tired and had to go home because he had to work early. Me and Paige just stayed up and talked until we passed out with everyone else. It was easily the most fun relaxed two and a half days I've had in a long time. Moral of the story is that meeting new people is awesome.

I loved it.

I loved it so much because it's the first time I've felt alive in so long. This entire process and change in my life has been so hard but at the same time it hasn't because I know it's so right and it's supposed to be this way. It just is. I won't ever be able to completely shake the experience I had and how awesome it was. The entire thing just was unreal. Almost like where it was supposed to be. Just may have been right, like I need to do something for my self even if it is a little hard. Maybe I could do it. Maybe I could really live it. It's just. Could I? Is there enough time. Is it where I am supposed to be. My heart feels heavy and happy when I think about it. I guess for now, that's enough.

Can't believe it.

I can't believe I would fallen so in love. I didn't know I would love so much. The love I speak of is not in a person, no. It is a place. Provo Utah. I loved it. I love the freedom, the friendship, the vibes, and especially the people. I loved it. I only spent two and a half day there and have already found my self very close to some of the people I met. I got way closer than I thought I would. My family was there. I made friends up there. Life could be so. Wonderful up there. I am having such a hard time recognizing wether or not this is a distraction or a genuine good thing. I don't know what to do or how to feel. What I do know is that I've never been more misplaced than in my own home town than I do now. I don't think it's boring or lame. I just feel so misplaced. It scares me.

Feelings.

Letting go of the world I knew to be so real I realized it wasn't reality. It was fighting reality. I can fight reality no more. I can only accept that the time is here and I can only embrace what is going to come to past. My feelings to you are just so distant now as I have put them out I reach on the tallest shelf. Most likely to never be touched again