What's going on and shig

I think about you and dwell on it a little more everyday. That's hella scary but it feels good because you make me feel happy. Happy isn't so black and white anymore but you make me feel like it is.

I'm turning in my papers on the 6th of November. I think that's next week...

Luke invited me to a meeting with the group tonight. I couldn't go because I open tomorrow and I don't want to be completely dead but I'm excited to go to the next one, to see my friends in this intelligent, ambitious, elite, mind set. Hopefully they will see the same things in me and I will have something to bring to the table. I'm excited to go and to come home to what it grows into.

I've spending more time with alyssa lately and that makes me super happy. I'm going to miss her.

I've been talking to Mary a lot. I fricken love Mary. She should be on a billboard or something. She deserves at least that.

Today I really put two an two together and realized how awesome Dusti is. She sends me a picture almost every single morning. I need to start finding pictures to send to her.

I've been working out a lot now.

Going to New York from the 8th-11th.

That's pretty much it for tonight. I have to get up for work tomorrow. I'll post more later.

Goodnight.

Over.

This week has been so hard on me. I don't know deal with it some days. I don't even know how to deal with it today.

Classic Idiot

"When a guy looks at a girl and thinks that the way he sees the girl is better than the girl actually is."

I'm fine.

I am one the most flexible people I know, so it's kinda hard for me to understand why certain people wouldn't be more flexible. I guess I am flexible because I am not as patent as others.

Let it go.

"Maybe all the things she said were true and all the pictures I drew were soaked and leaked right through."

At the end of the day..

At the end of the day I feel like I'm a dirt bag. and then I remeber what other people think is not as important.

I really enjoyed today.

Today was an awesome day till I came home. I really want to do that again :)

Perks.

First off, this song "Landslide" was pretty much the perfect track to put into the movie "Perks of Being a Wallflower" one of the most powerful, sedimental, meaningful books I've ever read. You ask why was it so perfect for the movie besides the fact that it's an amazing, beautiful, well written song. Well, have you ever seen the movie Jack Frost?

This is probably one of my all time favorite christmas movies of all time. It was a huge part of my childhood and believe it or not the song "Landslide" was in this movie too. Ever since I saw that this song has always meant something to me so when I found it was on the mix tape and on the movie I was stoked. It fits in perfectly along with the rest of the tracks. With that said I want to say where/when/who etc. 

So Amy and I hung out earlier this week on thursday. She needed a ride to the mall to buy her mom a birthday present! It had a been a long week for me, I didn't get a lot of sleep most of the week and I didn't get out that much either, plus I always have tons of fun with Amy. Needless to say, I was excited to hang out and get out. We went to the mall got her mom a gift and as we were on our way back she invited me to see perks with her and some people from her church Saturday night in Tempe (for some reason it is still the only place it's playing). I was stoked and told her I would let her know! Later on in the week I figured things out and told her I would be able to go.

So Saturday night comes around and it ended up being Luke and I driving in my truck to the Tempe Market place to meet up with everyone. It's funny how sedimental the entire night was, even the location of the theater. 

Flashback: When I was 14 some of my best friends (Brendan, Colton, Derek) in the 

entire world told me they were going to take me to my first show. It was

best of all free in the magical land of Tempe Arizona at this mall called

Tempe Town Market Place. We went and saw one of favorite bands of 

all time "The Summer Set." It was basically the best memories I have 

to this day. I won't ever forget it.

Back to Perks.. 

We bought our tickets and walked into the theater and to my surprise Michael Madrid, Nate Ray, Jake Ricco, were all there. After Luke and I gave them all hugs we walked back to the end of the row where we we're sitting. I sat down next to Amy and then Luke sat down next to me. The movie started and then the previews started rolling. Every single preview looked like it was going to be an amazing, moving movie, I was excited about all of them. As I was watching the previews I had a realization. The same realization that I had when I was 13, but back then I was so quick to abandon because everyone told me "It wasn't likely to happen." I had the realization that I wanted to be apart of what was right in front of me. I wanted to make something that made people feel things. I wanted to move people. I wanted to be apart of a cinematic production that changed somebody. I wanted to make a movie, but not just a movie. A movie that changes somebody, even if its there day. If I could make a movie that changed somebodies life? Well that's all I could dream for. 

I was loving every moment of reliving the book. All the feeling, all the emotions, it was great. What I wasn't expecting was what I felt next. 

When Sam was packing in her room and she told charlie that he needs to start putting himself before everyone else.. Yeah, that one was for me. I gave so much of my self away. I put so much of my self into this relationship. Seeing this really gave me some piece of mind, I've accepted that. I have my self back. And I am going to continue to be my self and be happy with that.

 Fleetwood Mac - Landslide (Video)

Over.

When you want something to be over so badly. And it just. Keeps on. Going.